It was a rather sleepless night as I slept beside my youngest with her huge head bump. She was rather uncomfortable all night long. And I was a little worried that we should have made a hospital visit. That and my cousin's funeral today kept me thinking too much.
My cousin was too young to leave us at 46 years old. I regret that I had not seen her in so long too. Once my grandparents passed away the annual family gatherings pretty much ended except for weddings and then again funerals. I remember playing with her and her brother in their basement while the grownups talked upstairs. My younger sister joined us in playing hide and go seek amongst the many interesting things they had stored down there. Our own basement was not one you would want to linger in let alone play in and was the source of many of my nightmares growing up. But their basement was more like an attic with and assortment of things to explore and awesome places to hide. When you are young and in the moment you don't realize how fleeting these times can be. You take for granted that Christmas parties will go on forever, grandparents will never die, and families won't drift apart as children grow up and have families of their own. I can't help but feel nostalgic for those times even though I am thoroughly enjoying parenting my own family. I look at my children and am sad for my aunt and uncle and for what they have endured. The loss of a child at any age is a difficult thing to cope with. So on this day I remember my cousin as I remember her -- a beautiful young child with a bright future ahead of her. I pray for the strength to endure whatever our futures hold and the peace to enjoy those beautiful moments in life.
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